Most of us have a toxic person in our life. If you reached the age of 50, or you’re in your 40s, and you don’t have one – count yourself lucky. If you do have one, that’s just normal and part of life and work.
Be it at work or in your private life, many people have to deal with a toxic person on a regular basis: someone who is very difficult, creates constantly problems for you, is poisonous, negative, and even worse, malicious, purposefully bad or even evil with their actions and behaviors. They can be your colleague, your boss, your neighbour, your ex-partner, a friend, your sister/brother, etc.
Sometimes it is their personality, but other times something bad had happened, and your relationship is restrained or skewed.
In any case, you have to work or live side by side.
To learn how to deal with such a toxic person, follow these simple 3 steps.
1. Let it out
Imagine a toxic person is engaging with you. Toxic means literally poisonous. So imagine you are poisoned! What would you need to do? To keep it inside, or to let it out? Yes, you got to get it out. Get it of your system! Don’t keep it inside.
Some people – often more introverted people and those who prefer to deny or to evade conflicts – try everything not to deal with toxic people. They just deny or avoid their own negative feelings, and how the toxic person is affecting them. That is not a good approach. If you keep it inside of you, you can even have physical effects, like getting an ulcer, back or neck pain, or other medical conditions which can diminish your quality of life!
The first step therefore is to let it out. As an introvert, you might prefer to do so alone or to write it out, or to go for a long quiet walk. You manage to reflect and deal with it internally. As an extrovert, you most likely have to express your thoughts, and to speak it out. Then it’s best to have a confidant, a trusted friend or colleague, or your partner, whom to share your negative sentiments with. You need someone to listen to how the toxic person is affecting you.
So let it out! Talk about, or write it down. Basically it’s like vomiting something that is disturbing your physical balance, literally something that is perished, rotten and poisonous inside of you. You got to spit it out. Somehow. Don’t let it stay in.
2. Identify the solution
This is the hardest step, because you got to think and act. Once you express your negative sentiments and all the problems, then jump to analyse and find what you can actually do about it. What is in your sphere of influence? What actions or behaviours are in your powers? What can you say or reply to that toxic person? How can you react? What is your “response-ability”? What are your able to reply to? See The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey.
Think about as many solutions as possible. Then act on it. Do what you can. Solve the problem – as much as it is in your power and as soon as you can. For example, declare your toxic person as your guru and benefit from them, learn to accept them, engage in a sustainable “We”, increase your positivity, or build up your personal resilience.
3. Live your life
Lastly, just live your life. Stop vomiting, stop condemning, stop complaining or bickering. Don’t get stuck on step one. Metaphorically speaking, do not stay in the “vomiting” phase, obviously. Most of your friends or colleagues won’t appreciate it in the long run to listen constantly to your negativity complaining, suffering or bickering. Stop talking to other people or your friends about that toxic person. Otherwise you become toxic yourself.
Do something about it. Have a rule when you talk about the toxic person; for example, have a specific time when you do so. The rest of the day and night just live your life. Have fun and enjoy and be healthy. Be the opposite of toxic: be beneficial, be healthy, be life-giving and be good to all the people around you.
Do you have a toxic person in your life right now, and You don’t know how to deal with them? You like some deeper advice? Do You want to be free and happy? I can help You deal with it. I can advice and coach you with some other tools and techniques on how to become healthy and positive.
Don’t let the toxic overpower You…